Seamus O'Connor LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Career ConsultantCertified Life CoachAddiction Recovery Specialist
ph: 760.560.7545
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Psychotherapy
In the past, psychotherapy has focused almost exclusively on psychopathology - psychological sickness - leaving to other disciplines the issues involved in achieving a life that fulfills one's authentic creativity and releases the energy to accomplish this.
In recent times, it has become clear that these two concerns are irrevocably intertwined: How can one be truly happy when merely tolerating one's life? How can one have creative energy when it takes all one has to get through the day?
Seamus' focus in therapy is the healing and flourishing of the whole person rather than "fixing" some stress-produced symptom.
Though skilled in the traditional (psychodynamic) approaches to therapy, Seamus often favors the result-oriented approaches of Cognitive (or Rational Emotive or Dialectic) Behavioral Therapy. This approach is the one most often recommended for those suffering from stress-related disorders, depression and anxiety.
Cognitive Emotive Therapy is highly recommended also for those in recovery from drugs and alcohol addiction who have previously attempted to manage stress by chemical means. It is efficient in that it is by nature short-term and effective in that it gets to the problem and provides remedies speedily. The client in such a therapy learns skills that they can take with them and apply to many other areas of life outside of therapy.
Often though, the client is seeking more than immediate symptom reduction. In these instances Seamus becomes a partner with the client on the courageous exploration of aspects of themselves they have been reluctant to recognize. It may well be - as Jung has said - that in this "shadow" side our authentic creative energy is pent up, waiting to be tapped into.
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The Role of Emotions in Life Choices
Video talks on Cognitive Therapy and Emotions by Seamus:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVJ2yDgLQSDPvOElpZ0Ow5A
There seemed to be a time long-long-ago when a person left school, got stuck into some secure job and stayed with that job, getting the odd promotion and raise, till they gave her or him the hand-shake and maybe a gold watch. Then it was out to pasture.
Waiting for God.
.... or something like that.
In times past also and in many places today, young people are told pretty much who they will partner with in marriage - until death do them part.
But, in our modern world things have become much more complicated. We have expectation: we expect that our job should be fulfilling in more ways that merely paying the bills for food and shelter.
We have the expectation that what we do for a living should bear some resemblance to what we are interested in.
Attaching the left rear wheel of Ford motorcars all year long doesn't cut it - no matter what the job pays.
Today we have the expectation that we will find a soul-mate, someone with whom we will form an intimate partnership; someone with whom we share dreams and goals.
So, today we are all in search of a career in which we feel somewhat authentic and a relationship that is soul-satisfying.
All this seems like progress along an evolutionary line.
It may be progress but it often leaves us a bit lost.
I can see where a person needs some guides, helping make the right choices.
Otherwise, we have the sad person in their middle or even later years still wondering what they are going to be when they grow up
So... what guides do we have that will lead us to this goal, this authentic life?
Not many of us are expecting that an angel or apparition will come to point the way. So we're counting on our intelligence to lead the process.
Mostly we gather impressions and advice from those around us. Mom and dad have probably already expressed their opinion; Hollywood has told us we should become a movie celebrity or super model or sports star - or marry one; school has told us we should get degrees and more degrees; and the economy tells us we need to make gazillions of dollars.
So, what you're saying is that most of what is in our intellect is coming from these outside sources: parents, schools, the media, and the economy, right?
Right.
But don't we all then have just about the same sources of guidance - at least all of us raised in the same culture?
Absolutely.
But then we'd all wind up with the same goals and careers. There must be something else. Where else is there to look for advice?
The most personal and authentic guide to what we should be doing actually is our emotions.
Oh really! You mean we should trust those thing we've all been told not to trust?
I know I always thought they were what kept getting me into trouble.
Strange as it may seem to some people, the final arbiter of what we should be doing is the emotions. Because it is these emotions that will supply the energy for what we will be doing. If they're not behind what we've chosen, we will become reluctant and our commitment to it will fade. We come with an on-board guidance system.
You don't mean our moods or even our feelings - you mean specifically, our emotions.
Exactly.
Maybe I haven't been clear then about what emotions are.
Let's look at what emotions are and are not.
Emotions – They are powerful movements of internal energy [E-motions] urging us towards something (Attraction) or away from something (Repulsion) that we come across in our environment. Every living organism, from the single cell in a Petri dish to a highly complex structure such as a mammal, has these two directions of movement regarding other things.
[When there is no reaction it is “indifference” as in, “I was unmoved by _____”].
We describe these two movements/motions as Attraction (getting closer to) and Repulsion (increasing the separation from). These are Energies attracting or repelling particles or groups of particles. [ In more poetic human terms we refer to these sometimes as Love and Hate].
Putting more distance between one’s self and another is brought about by either, (1) driving the other away (fight / aggression) or, (2) retreating from them (flight / fear).
Thus, the most authentic information about the unique living organism that is you: what you are deeply authentically moved toward or repelled from, is contained in the many, highly differentiated expressions of these 3 movements: Attraction, Anger and Fear.
[If you are thinking these 3 emotions provide a very limited vocabulary from which so much information is to be derived, consider that the DNA of every living organism - from the fruit fly to the human and the elephant - is made up of only 4 chemical bases in a multitude of permutations and combinations].
Much of the other information on which we are expected to guide our lives does not come with its own source of energy [e.g. My mother's desire that I become a doctor or my teacher's wish that I learn classical Greek etc].
This guidance has been derived from outside ourselves [family, schools, churches, society, media, etc.] and, while it will be useful or necessary to consider, it is the same information given to almost everyone else in this society. It is not unique to us; not tailored to our life. It may arouse momentary ambitions but the energy fades when it encounters obstacles. Though I may try pushing through these for a time - as I should - the lack of passion for the cause will result in reluctance and finally I may rationalized quitting the effort.
Feelings – not to be confused with emotions - the terms are often used as though interchangeable but there is a real distinction between the two.
[To understand the distinction it may help to think of the difference between Pain and Injury. Pain is the signal alerting the mind to the presence of an injury in some part of the body – a sore toe or damaged knee for example. The pain signal conveys quite subtle information about the injury so that one can tell if, for example, it’s an in-grown toenail or a blister. The Pain is clearly not the same thing as the Injury that it is reporting.
If the pain message is interfered with or completely blocked by a pain-killer, the injury remains as bad as ever. In that case though, the person can go on blithely ignoring the injury - playing tennis on the damaged knee, for example – until there is a mechanical collapse. In a somewhat parallel way, Feelings are the transmission of information to the mind about what is happening in the Emotions. ]
As with physical pain signals, the emotional information transmitted through our feeling can also be blocked or interfered with by Repression or by some other means such as drugs or alcohol or other compulsion.
What is happening in the Emotions continues whether we are blocking the signals or not.
Repression – This refers to interference with the messages (Feelings) informing the mind as to what is happening in the Emotions. Repression is often a learned reaction such as,”…boys don’t cry,” “a talented girl like you shouldn’t be scared,” “You shouldn’t be feeling disappointed, you should be feeling grateful.” Repression can also be adopted as a stance to life in which one ignores one’s own needs in an effort to please – or at least not displease – someone else. It has been remarked that Repression would be great if only it worked better. But so often it requires the addition of something else to keep the misery down, something like alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling or food.
The consequences of Repression can be quite severe as in the following common scenarios:
(A) When Repression deprives the mind of information, the person can remain unaware of on-going emotional disturbance caused by something in their environment until the energy from pent-up discomfort manifests itself in the form of compulsive disorders, anxiety, depression or even physical illness.
(B) Without receiving the necessary information through the Feelings, the person attempting to make major life decisions (choosing a partner, a career, etc.) is operating mainly on guess-work as to whether the course of action chosen is in harmony with his or her Energies/Emotions. If the Emotions are running with the decision, they will produce the sustained energy and enthusiasm (love/passion) required for a successful and fulfilling life. If the decision is not in harmony with the emotions, the energy will likely taper off, reluctance becomes the order of the day (TGIF), and other outlets for releasing frustration will become necessary.
The table below depicts levels of intensity of emotional discomfort on a 1-10 scale where #1 is a very slight nudge of discomfort and #10 is rage, terror or some other extreme of emotional disturbance.
[Such a scale, of course, exists only in the imagination and is depicted for purposes of explanation]
Levels of Emotional Discomfort 1-10
10
9
8 - Threshold of Consciousness(The mind becomes aware of emotional pain)
7
6 – Acting-out Point (the organism resorts to learned relief behavior)
5 - Somatic Effect (friends will sometimes notice change in mood or behavior or facial aspect)
4 – Guidance Levels (the mind is aware of what is happening in the emotions)
3
2
1
In the example:
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Thoughts drawn from the writings of EPICTETUS
(Roman b. 55 CE – born a slave, became a Stoic philosopher — among his greatest admirers - who echoed many of his ideas - Marcus Aurelius, Emperor(161-180)
Some things are within your control and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and cannot control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.
Copyright 2012 SeamusOConnor.org. All rights reserved.
ph: 760.560.7545
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